Are Family Celebrations Important?
Fourth of July, 2018
Tradition in our family is to celebrate major holidays together. Christmas we gather together in the morning with meaningful rituals. Beginning with opening our stockings stuffed with handy items like socks, toothpaste and the obligatory orange, we then move on to a full breakfast with French Toast Bake, sausage, eggs and fruit. After breakfast, the head of the house plays Santa, gifts are distributed and opened one by one. After a full morning, we dress for the holiday project which might be splitting wood, picking up liter or demolishing something. In the evening we proceed to a large gourmet dinner elaborately appointed with fine china, silver and crystal. Thanksgiving is similar minus the stockings and gifts. The fourth of July, however, is becoming the new gathering time with extended family. As we plan for this years 2020 celebration, we look to the past, present and future of the July 4th events.
As I nostalgically reflect on the 4th at my parent’s lake house in Grayslake, Illinois, I remember our young boys swimming off the pier or floating carelessly in inner tubes on a sunny summer day. We would have fishing contests, camp in the backyard and eat smores by the bonfire. Typically my sister would be there with her daughter. Grandfather would point out to her the dancing fairies coming from the fire pit or assist her in picking freshly blossomed marshmallows while carefully brushing off ants before consuming them. Extended family with their kids would visit where they would be mesmerized by JaJa’s yo-yo-tricks. Bike decorations commenced leading to a kids parade with awards given for creativity. The evening would end with sparklers and sometimes fireworks as they grew older. But abruptly the 4th of July get together stopped. Not from lack of interest, but from the distractions of other kid activities as they grew older. Travel soccer, lacrosse or archery tournaments came into play so the priority of these celebrations went sadly to the wayside. As time marched on, not only the event became lost, so did the bonding from social interaction between extended family.
Planning for this years event has some undo pressure with the magnitude of potential impact it may have on the family relationships. This is the first time we will host extended family without my mother-in-law, who passed away right before Thanksgiving of 2019. Her last 4th of July visit brought joy seeing family together getting to know each other and keeping that bond. We are fortunate to have nieces and nephews, her grandchildren, gather at our historic family farm this year. With the youngest cousin being 25 and the oldest 32, they are at a stage in their life where family bonds are secondary to future spouses and other interests. Influence from girlfriends or boyfriends who rightly want their significant other to be with the opposite side of the family. Coordinating meals, activities and meaningful discussions to encourage future participation is formidable. A balance of activity and inactivity becomes the focus of inclusiveness for our guests. We have fishing, hiking, shooting, blacksmithing and indoor and outdoor games on the agenda. Bonfire discussion on family history and the Two Truths and a Lie game while enjoying smores on the list for entertainment. The preparation, coordination and implementation will need to be organized, but flexible for success. The goal, family fun with bonding to promote future relationships.
Subsequent 4th of July events will need to be discussed. Does everyone want to commit back in 2021? or considering the events of 2020, is too soon to to project next years holiday? We didn’t foresee the world being turned upside down when we planned for this years celebration. For family, as with everything in life, we need to be intentional. What are our priorities as a family? We have said that family is one of our core values. What does that mean in regards to family celebrations? What is the definition of family? All questions which need some time for reflection.
Until those questions are answered for your family and ours, feel blessed with the time that you have with those who are currently here with you, but always honor those who have passed through this world leaving an impact on your life as a member of the family.
