Under the Shade of the Family Tree

After reading a chapter from Caroline Coleman Bailey's book, "Rooted in Family," I contemplated her chapter, which discussed working for their family business. As a third-generation Gallo family member, Caroline broke away from the family business after an eighteen-year successful career. She decided to find her path in life. But what did that mean?

The chapter's name, a metaphor, “under the shade of the family tree,” struck me as profound. To me, family means everything. A tree gives one root. The older the family, the stronger the tree's roots. We have a black walnut tree outside of our family house, Belle-Hampton, probably over 250 years old. Just like our family history, it is solid and majestic but needs to be nourished and protected to continue to grow. However, an individual branch can be propagated from the long-established shrub.

Caroline talks about her upbringing in Sonoma Valley with her parents and grandparents. They always assumed she would be in the family business since, early on, she had an interest in the winemaking process. But it was the stories from her parents and grandparents that taught her lessons about being an entrepreneur that intrigued her. It wasn't until she was stumped by a question at a press conference in Japan, "If you were not born into this family, what would you be doing?" 

This question gets asked by so many family members who work in the family business. Does their success come from the family name? Are they able to reach their full potential, or does the family tree shade that potential?

The shade can be both a comfort and a sense of security, or it can be something to be grown into your tree. Caroline was groomed as an entrepreneur not limited to winemaking. Her answer to what she should be doing if she had a different name was to teach. Her journey as to what teaching meant came from her willingness to shine separately from the family legacy.

Successfully founding a company that professionalizes families and personalizes businesses, she found a way to bridge the gap. Caroline started a family council within her own family to bring family unity. She then used those lessons to help other families do the same.

One of her recommendations is a book called "Children Learn What They Live – Parenting to Inspire Values." It was something she used for guiding her own family. The book stresses the importance of linking the past with the future. To quote, " Our values are transmitted across the generations through our behavior. Our children witness and absorb the way we live together day-to-day, and what they learn serves as a model for them all their lives, affecting not only them but their children."

How do we link the past with the future to pull values forward? Our parents and grandparents might not be alive anymore to demonstrate their values to the subsequent generations, but their stories can live on past their lifetime. When they cannot be there to model the behaviors, storytelling is a way to keep their ideals alive. Stories of how they immigrated to America to build a better life for their family. How did a family business start from nothing? The romantic tale of how grandparents met and spent a lifetime together.

Repeating family stories brings context to what makes you, you. It is a sense of belonging to something bigger than yourself, but the inspiration to become your best self. Shared family values bring unity among the generations. A shared vision for the future gives it purpose.

The shade from the family tree is a gift from past generations. It isn't meant as a burden but as a source of life for the future. It can be grown to grand heights or propagated for new paths. I think of the following quote, “A society grows great when old men plant trees in whose shade they shall never sit.” — Greek Proverb.

If your family trees have not yet been planted, there is still time to start. As the saying goes, when is the best time to plant a tree? Twenty years ago. When is the second-best time? Now. So go out there and plant the seedlings of your family's vision, mission, and core values. Then watch them flourish for generations to come.