Identity Clutter: Why Wealthy Children Flounder
Identity is the sum of who we are. According to Erik Erickson, ’s Stages of Development, it includes personal experiences, connections, values, and beliefs. Your identity is something that happens across a lifespan. But to separate one’s role as a wealthy family member from their identity (or self-worth) is to empower one to accept their success. Otherwise, they flounder.
Becoming our authentic selves is work. We start as a perfect 10, but keeping our self-worth intact can be challenging in a family of wealth. When the wealth creator is larger than life, it becomes a daunting task to follow in those big shoes. Anything a person individually does may need to be improved. Ordinary is no longer acceptable. Self-esteem ticks downward when the bar is set too high to reach.
On the other hand, a person may over-identify with a family’s wealth. It may be considered a fundamental part of who they are and how they understand the world. The terror of not having wealth at some point causes anxiety. Or is it a ball and chain that the family manipulates every decision? Don’t move out of state; I will buy you a house. Or don’t work outside the company; you can have all the financial security right here. These are some of parents’ and grandparents’ gripping control on the rising generation.
But some of the rising generation under-identify with family’s wealth. One might distance themselves, trying to ignore it. It might feel free to ignore the money deposited into the account regularly. Giving it away to do good is better than keeping it in the bank. But living a lie consumes the wealthy kids. Should they associate with boarding school friends or starving artists? Authenticity doesn’t come from either. They are trapped in between.
But clearing the identity clutter is similar to removing the money clutter. It is a process, not a quick fix. Take time to reflect on the answers.
Step 1: Cultivate a Beneficial Mindset – How do you define success?
Step 2: Adopt an Empowerment Identity – What is your current identity?
Step 3: Curate Supporting Beliefs – What situations are you most capable of?
Step 4: Make Aligned Decisions – What skills or competencies are required?
Step 5: Define a Clear Outcome – What is the outcome you are trying to achieve?
Step 6: Align Your Actions – What is the first action?
Step 7: Create a Supportive Environment – What help do you need?
Clearing clutter allows the rising generation to walk in their own shoes instead of the ones of their predecessors. They aren’t too big or too small; they are just right. The soles might become worn or cause one to trip, but they are their own.
“Let me fall if I must fall. The one I will become will catch me.” - Attributed to Ball Shem Tov
Clearing the clutter will get this generation back to an identity as a 10. As a professional advisor getting these wealthy children to understand their self-worth with be comprised of the following:
· A sense of personal security
· A balanced lifestyle
· The ability to trust you and other people
· Understanding and accepting the responsibility of stewardship
· Financial awareness and capability
Clearing the clutter is a win, win. A win for the family to perpetuate their legacy. A win for the rising generation to be healthy, happy, and empowered to take on the future of the family’s wealth. How will you help the rising generation with clearing their identity clutter?
